He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
