i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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