I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
