Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
