Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
