I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
