Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
