He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
