I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
even my farts smell like vagina
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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