i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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