I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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