I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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