No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
