PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My pussy is not your playground.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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