we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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