God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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