I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
