Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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