Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
