Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
