They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
