I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
