Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
