Michael Bay diarrhea
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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