2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
