You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
