im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
