girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Come share oat with me in your robe
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
