This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think people are normalizing furries
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
