My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
