The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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