I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
