All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize