you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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