pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
