I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
