dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
