I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
