she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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