I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
