She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
