I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
