i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
