batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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