just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
