I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
