So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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