do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
