Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
