There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
