It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
