why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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